Data-Driven Drivel
Our platform is a data driven enterprise Agile SaaSCOS enabling please stop.
I’m not going to name and shame people and companies in this newsletter. Not yet anyway —not until I have enough paying subscribers to afford legal protection.
I wish I could though. The level of jargon say-nothing-in-as many-words-as-possible in this company’s public profile is impressive:
There’s a literal jargon bomb in every word here — let’s try defuse it one red wire at a time:
Our platform (OK, your software product) is a Company OS (an operating system that you can run your entire business on, but that doesn’t run on current operating systems like Windows, Linux, or MacOS?). A data driven (it’s a computer system that runs on data, wow, kudos!) enterprise (for big companies) SaaS (software as a service, AKA a software program that runs on data) enabling companies to collaboratively (meaning people in the company can work together on it, like, Google Docs?) re-imagine their core business (do you really want employees to collaboratively re-imagine their core business? Has management signed off on this? If so, how often do staff re-imagine the core business?? quarterly? And if the core business is being re-imagined all the time, is it really still core?? just asking), strategise and execute a successful Agile Business Transformation (I want to execute myself), and change (is this on top of the re-imagining, or is this separate?) while being in full control (I feel like you’ve lost control).
Why do companies do this to themselves? Does it help sales? Does it drive ARR? Is this hero messaging? Does it align with their brand promise? Who writes this drivel?
Anyway, I wish this company luck, I really do. I have no idea what their product does.
The Dejargonizer.