Everyone has their own ideas about how to fix the Jews, because we’re aggravating the world and someone needs to step up and do something about us.
Some say we should get out of Palestine, go back to where we came from, without being overly specific. This is the “From the River to the Sea” gang.
Others go even further: From The River Into the Sea, which is, helpfully, more specific. There’s also the “From the River to the Stars” idea, which, as you can imagine, is even more ambitious. Space is hard.
On paper, all of these fixes seem doable. But, implementation could get messy. Still, that’s no reason to rule them out of hand. We must entertain them, must we not? What must happen will happen. C'est la Mort. But is the gore that comes along with it really necessary?
I have an idea: What if Jews all just disappeared? All of us.
The lot of us just go poof! gone, vanish into thin ratings. No gore, no blood and guts, no heads rolling. No children set on fire. A people falls in a forest and no one is there to livestream it. If it has to happen, let it happen, but can we agree to not document it? No sound, no visuals, no comments section.
One minute we’d be there with everyone screaming at us, and the next minute we’d be gone, the streets would be clean, cars and people would go about their business. A fleeting sense of absence quickly filled by the noise a busy world makes as it keeps turning. You won’t even hear our predecessors turning in their gas chambers.
To be sure, we’d do our best to resist, but our obliteration is inevitable, it’s a numbers game. What matters is we’d leave everyone alone, and that we don’t repeat the scenes of the past. The scenes of the fathers die with these sons.
Hypothetical? Of course. Unprecedented? Hardly. If they will it, it is no dream.
We’ve seen this movie before. After a pugnacious fight, the Israeli army is defeated, the country overrun from all sides, mass slaughter, rivers of blood, a tragic last stand, horrible scenes. Biblical scenes. Like this👇
Not long after, in major cities around the world where Jews congregate, a tidal wave of mutilation, mass slaughter, sewers of blood, horrible scenes. Medieval scenes. Like this 👇
To escape, some Jews run for the hills, forests, basements— even seeking sanctuary in churches. In the end they run out of places to run and are burned alive. Like this 👇
Still, in some more civilized places, Jews would just be asked to leave, never to be seen again.
What we don’t want to see is a repeat of this 👇
So you see, there’s really nothing to see here. My solution proposes we avoid these kinds of scenes in whatever happens next. I think can we agree on a media blackout. Since we control the media, it shouldn’t be too hard to organize. It can be an email. Subject line: No Jews, no news. Leave it with us.
The calculation is sound. This should, on paper, work. There’s around 16 million of us, give or take. In a world of 9 billion souls, is anyone really going to notice ~0.177% missing? You get the picture?
There’d be no pictures. Nothing to share, repost, remix, or comment on. Nothing to Like and Subscribe. Our Great Obliteration wouldn’t trend. [The Middle East’s only] democracy dies in the dark. Jews everywhere disappear like phantoms. Even the anti-Zionist Jews. Especially the anti-Zionist Jews.
Would the world be a better place? Will non-Jews be calmer without Jews around? Will they be grateful to us? Or will they blame us for the more mundane things that aggravate them now that we’re gone, like the weather? Partly cloudy and Jew-free. Unclear, but we’d have done our part.
Alas, we’ll likely never know, because, annoyingly, some Jews never get the memo. Some Jews just won’t stay obliterated. They come back, somehow. Again and again, despite impressive obliterations, Jews survive, regroup, rebuild, and start aggravating everyone again. This must also be seared into our DNA. Not all FOBO is created equally.
This is where we are now. It seems more Jews than ever have decided that this time they just won’t play by the world’s rules for them. And so we go again.
Perhaps one day the obliterations will end, but that doesn’t seem likely in our lifetime, which sucks, because YODO (You Only Die Once).
///the end…is nigh///